The Monkeys and the Scientists

Once, there was a Scientist who thought that she was cute, so she said, "If you have enough monkeys banging on typewriters for a long enough period of time, they will ultimately produce the complete works of William Shakespeare."

Well, the rest of the Scientists felt that the quotable Scientist thought she was just way too cute (although, actually, she was not only cute, but smokin' hot, and most of the rest of the ugly and friendless Scientists were just jealous, especially since they had all asked her out, but she had said no, since she was too busy making up cute quotes) and they set out to prove her wrong. They created the Internet where, rather than keep the monkeys typing in cages, the Scientists took the "Lion Country Safari" approach and allowed the monkeys to roam free while the Scientists stayed safely in cages. And, with that, the Scientists stepped back to allow the monkeys to start to type.

And they produced this.

And this.

And this.

And even this.

But, no matter how long and hard the Scientists looked, they could not find "The Complete Works of William Shakespeare" by anyone other than William Shakespeare. They found ads for free Viagra. They found time-wasting games where, instead of producing something for the benefit of humanity, people sat, sweating in desk chairs, pretending to be elves and wizards. They found illegal music downloads.They found nuts who were interested in selling gold and having dainty little tea parties. They found information on films of various interest, accuracy, and quality. And they found porn--lots and lots and lots of porn. And, for every piece of interesting and quality writing they found, they found even more of this, and this, and a whole lot of crap like this. Satisfied that they had proved the cute Scientist's hypothesis invalid, the other Scientists downloaded "California Girls" for free, posted some lies on the Wikipedia cold fusion page, updated their Facebook statuses to "Single" (primarily because they realized that, now that they had made her look stupid, their initial shreds of hope that the cute Scientist would date them were futile and should be abandoned), took one more quick glance at crazy Scientist bondage porn, and logged off to go talk to the cute Scientist.

"Cute Scientist," they began (because Scientists have secret machines that make sexual harassment invisible), "We have proved you wrong. We have been running the Internet for a few years now, allowing the Monkeys to bang away on their keyboards, and none have produced Shakespeare. We are afraid to tell you that, while you may be good at cute quotes, you are no good at science, and we have nullified your hypothesis."

But the cute Scientist just shrugged and said, "Hey, whatever. I'm dating a pro-hockey player anyway." And, with that, she quit being a Scientist and went and got married without a pre-nup. And the other Scientists cursed their breath and went back to killing orcs.

Moral: If you have enough monkeys banging on typewriters for a long enough period of time, they will not produce the works of William Shakespeare but will mainly throw poop and break the equipment.