The Peas, the Corn, the Fish Stick, the 2-Liter of delicious Coca-Cola, and the Invisible Hand of Free Market Industry

Once, there was a delectable and somewhat nutritious dinner consisting of peas and corn, with a fish stick in the middle, and a tall, cold glass of delicious Coca-Cola*. The dinner would be all the better if the peas and the corn could stop arguing, but, of course, they couldn't, and, often, they would both turn to the fish stick for answers (for the rest of the dinner table had previously elected the fish stick as the leader, based primarily on the paper napkin demographic support.) But the fish stick, being a processed piece of food substance, usually said nothing and typically laid low.

One day, the corn noticed that the delicious glass of Coca-Cola was usually poured out of a towering 2-Liter bottle and, as corn will often do, it became very concerned, especially with the size of the 2-Liter in comparison to a tiny kernal of corn, and also the general sloppiness with which the delicious Coca-Cola was often poured from the bottle. The corn began to talk loudly and rapidly with varying degrees of sense.

"Peas!" the corn cried, "Don't you think we should pass some sort of regulation on that 2-Liter of Coca-Cola?"

"Nonsense!" coughed the peas. "Why, that 2-Liter is controlled by the Invisible Hand of Free Market Industry! There is no one to better be in control of that 2-Liter than the Invisible Hand of Free Market Industry!"

The corn was still confused and didn't quite understand what the peas were talking about, so they meekly answered, "Well, shouldn't we at least require that the Invisible Hand of Free Market Industry pour the Coca-Cola a little slower-"

"Socialists!" interrupted the peas.

"Well," the corn tried again, "What if we just make a limit on the number of 2-Liters that can be on the table at any one time-"

"Dinner-haters!" screamed the peas.

The corn huddled in its own cream and, after a few seconds of awkward silence, said, "Perhaps we could just ask nicely that the cap of the Coca-Cola be kept nearby in case-"

"Baby-carrot killers!" ranted the peas, holding their collective breath for so long that they began to look like radishes. At this point, both the peas and the corn decided to ask the fish stick what it thought. And, as previously described, the fish stick, he didn't say anything. The peas and the corn then decided that the silence of the fish stick was enough to give them plausible deniability and allow the status quo, so, with that, the peas went back to plotting for paper napkin vote suppression and the corn went back to whining ineffectively and everybody continued to enjoy a delicious, cold glass of Coca-Cola.

Then, one night, the Invisible Hand of Free Market Industry wasn't paying too much attention, and the 2-liter tipped over and began to flood the plate.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" the corn screamed for a while. Then, as it began to drown in delicious Coca-Cola, the corn called out, "This is horrible! A tragedy! We need to begin to have meetings on what kind of hearings we should vote on having on this disaster!" And, with that, the corn retired to the edge of the plate where it could have closed-door meetings until the situation was fixed.

The peas, on the other hand, took another route and began to scream insanity at the fish stick. "Why don't you do something about this!" the peas yelled. "Why don't you fix this! How can you just lie there! You should have been monitoring this! How could you allow this to happen in the first place?! You are an incompetent and a socialist!" The corn heard this and, instead of pointing out that it was the peas who refused to allow anything to be done, saw an opportunity to blame the fish stick as well. This, the corn hoped, would convince the napkins to ignore the fact that it had also contributed to the sticky puddle of delicious Coca-Cola by doing absolutely nothing. So, as the peas raved, "Fish stick! You are a communistic fraud!", the corn chimed in, "Yeah!" then continued to have meetings at the edge of the plate, as far away from the rapidly spreading spill of delicious Coca-Cola as possible.

The fish stick, however, being a fish stick, didn't say anything and did absolutely nothing, and, ultimately, the 2-liter was emptied out and stopped pouring everywhere anyhow. None of it mattered, though, because the Invisible Hand of Free Market Industry just moved over to the other side of the table, away from the mess of delicious Coca-Cola, peas, corn, fish sticks, and sopping, falling apart paper napkins, and decided, from this day forward, to start eating dinner over there, where it wasn't as sticky and there weren't all those nasty vegetables.

Moral: Peas, corn, delicious Coca-Cola, and fish sticks- it doesn't matter. They're all going to come out the same in the end. However, no one bites the Invisible Hand of Free Market Industry that feeds them.

*While it would appear that delicious Coca-Cola is a villian in this fable, allow me to point out that the 2-liter of delicious Coca-Cola is actually a pawn and in no way responsible or at blame for the disaster depicted. Any Coca-Cola representatives reading this blog should note that, overall, the tone of the blog author is extraordinarily positive toward delicious and refreshing Coca-Cola, and, because of this, may wish to consider providing the blog author with assorted Coca-Cola product, particularly of the Vanilla Coke Zero variety--which, it may be pointed out, would not be sticky should it spill. As my grandma always says, "I'd like to teach the world to sing that they should have a Coke and a smile."**

**It is important to note that the author of this blog has not received any payment, in cash or product, from the Coca-Cola Company. Yet. But he can always hope.